Workers of Union Cab Secede to Form Their Own Cab Company.

As if three cab companies weren’t enough, a new company has just spawned. To compete with the successful Union Cab Company, Confederate Cab Co. has just hit the streets of Madison, Wisconsin.

“Being such a white city surrounding such a white university, I feel our business will do exceptionally well.” Commented boss of the company, Richard Evan Lee. “We do not like how those Yankee bastards at Union Cab have been dominated the business.

R. Lee as he likes to be called was actually an employee of Union Cab, but didn’t like the policies they were enforcing. “I got a group of cab drivers together who shared my views and we disbanded from Union to start our own cab company.”

The policies he is referring to are that white drivers are forced to pick up and drive black people. “Now, hold on, Confederate Cab doesn’t refuse to pick up black people, we just made changes to the old policy. Black people can come in our cabs, but they have to drive themselves while the cab drivers sit in the back.” R. Lee rebutted. So far to date, they have only had one black person try to get in the cab, but after hearing that he would have to drive himself, he walked away. “That’s fine with us. If they don’t want to come in our cabs, they don’t have to.”

They also have a policy where Jewish students have to pay double. But how can they tell someone is Jewish? R. Lee explains they look at their facial features or their clothing, “If they are wealthy looking or have big noses we usually can tell. Also, if they pay credit card we look at their names.”

Surprisingly this backwards, racist cab company has been getting business. “The majority of our business has been very white. Some might call them rednecks, but I call them brothers.”

The Multicultural Club at the University of Wisconsin-Madison has spoken out for a boycott on Confederate Cab. Head of the club, Chris Brown, not to be confused with the sensational dancer/R&B singer, expressed his rage, “It’s preposterous! These hillbillies are reminding everyone of the ignorance and racism still imbedded in American culture. They are trying to turn Madison into 1864 Atlanta. I mean just look at the cabs.” The cabs he is referring to have presidential-style flags on the front and back with the Confederate logo. The Multicultural Club has sent a petition around for the City to get rid of the cab company. Signatures are growing, but some students have felt very awkward when asked to sign. One student who wished to remain nameless told us, “It’s very awkward when they ask us to sign it because, look yes I am white and I don’t really have a problem with Confederate Cab, in fact they are always on time and charge cheaper rates, but when a black student asks me to sign this I don’t want him thinking I’m racist so I sign it.”

“We have our business and those Yanks have their business. Plain and simple.” Expressed R. Lee.

However, Union Cab does not like this one bit. President of the company, James Winters, has constantly shown anger towards R. Lee. “He was a good-for-nothing when he worked for us and now he’s hurting the cab industry’s name. We have to do something quickly to get rid of Confederate Cab, take action. We are trying not to go to war with them, we are trying for peaceful solutions. But if war is inevitable then war it will be.”