Gay Men Now Required to Have Lisps

The Gay community recently released a statement that there is now a requirement to coming out of the closet. Since the sudden popularity of people coming out of the closet, the Gay community feels that coming out is becoming cliche and anyone can do it. They want to make this group exclusive so they can remain prestigous.

LGB spokesman Tom Wolfe, not to be confused with the white-suited author, expressed the decision made by the Gay community, "We are letting too many Joe Schmoesss come out of the clossset. Now everyone wantsss to be queer. We like that we are sssuper popular, but come on, we need sssome prerequisitesss. SSSo we decided that you must have a lisssp to be able to apply for a coming out of the clossset party."

The LGB has started turning away applicants who do not have a lisp. But however, they have made it clear that if you are admittedly gay without a lisp prior to this new ruling, then you can still remain in the group and show gay pride.

Rafael Sanderson, recently came out last week. He does not have a lisp and is extremely happy that he can remain gay. "I constantly get surprised remarks when I tell people I am gay," Says the 6'4 250 pound muscle head with a gruff voice. "But then I whip out my LGB Card and show my pride. However, my best friend Tony, who also doesn't have a lisp, was nervous to come out but now he regrets it so much because he can't do it now."

Spokesman Tom Wolfe informed us that they are developing methods to test for fake lisps. Right now the preferred method is random phone calls to applicants to see how they answer the phone.