Woolly Mammoth with a Side of Cole Slaw

The Museum of Natural History, the Smithsonian, and countless paleontologists are in rage as Bob Smith (no, not the same Bob Smith who provided the voice for Howdy Doody) recently found, while hunting in northern Wisconsin, a frozen Woolly Mammoth in complete form.

Why are they so angered by the monumental discovery? We asked Anthropologist, Dr. Charles Spencer, Ph.D for his reasoning and he explained, "This idiot could give us answers to many unsolved questions with the past, but instead he wants to eat it!"

That's right. Bob Smith intends to defrost the 10,000 pound beast over the year and have him ready for the Green Bay Packers' football season to start. He then intends to throw what he declares as "the greatest tailgate of all time," where he will grill the entire mammoth and also serve his famous cole slaw.

"I found it, therefore it is mine. Imagine the ribs this sucker must have. Delicious. I know those museums and scientists have found woolly mammoths in the past, so why do they need this one? Answer: They don't." Smith stressed when we confronted him about his findings.

Some paleontologists and museum curators have actually expressed some interest in this endeavor. "It will be most interesting to actually taste what the cavemen ate on a regular basis," Dr. Calvin Monroe from the University of Michigan stated, "Trust me, I will be there for seconds!"

Smith informed us that come opening day at Lambeau Field, a feast for the ages will go down. Smith has decided to grill, smoke, and deep fry the extinct animal as to incorporate a variety that suits all.